I have been back home from Paris now for two weeks and two days and I feel like my life has been resembling a spinning top, whizzing out of control.
I have of course been very busy with work and as the daylight hours dwindle, so does my enthusiasm for busy, social days (as I am zapped from the fast paced notion of my current career). But as I stop pouring in effort to maintain the life outside of work, I am slowly feeling a little lost and I’m not sure who I am as a person anymore.
I am finding myself trying to cling on to my taste in clothing; as I have always dressed differently (I definitely think differently too), I love adventurous, radical hairstyle changes and outfit combos full of colour. But I’m starting to feel like this liberal self-expression that I’ve explored for my meagre 20 years of life so far, isn’t suited to my life anymore and I’m starting to feel restless in my own skin.
I feel like the real issue is a sense of belonging. Paris really emphasised my need to be back home in this small seaside town, however now I’ve moved out of my family home, and relatives are all moving away; I’m not sure what home is supposed to feel like anymore.
With Venus meeting Jupiter in my 4th, impacting Neptune in my 8th the astrologer in me doesn’t think this is just a coincidence. Home is an important issue on the cards and the angles of the stars are making me pay attention to it.
All of this time away from family and friends has changed my perspective on my view of home. It’s not a set place, it’s the people that surround you which determine what is home and right now I’m craving the company of people that have help shaped my past which was full of fun and self-expression; something that I feel is waining within me now.
I no longer paint, sing cheesy songs in a dramatic way or do things that were remotely me and I feel my lack of blog posts resemble my current bleak outlook on life, as I have found it hard to materialise how I feel.
I want life to sparkle again. And I want to go home…
Have fun out there.