So I recently received and began reading ‘Talking with Psychopaths and Savages’ by Christopher Berry-Dee and it covered lots of topics into the thought patterns of serial killers. Of course, it’s a very complex and trifling subject matter, having even the most elite psychiatrists and Dr’s confused. However, a reoccurring trigger (especially in male serial-killers) was misogynistic attitudes towards women and having beliefs that they deserve to die because they’re weaker etc.
This got me thinking (a dangerous state of affairs, I know) and I began recalling misogynistic behaviour I have been on the receiving end of to date. I am not insinuating that the behaviour experienced is a flat out serial-killer comparison, I’m merely saying this behaviour exists in our society and it is wrong.
I thought I would set out a time line of the behaviour I have received and it’s made me a little sick.
Age 7 – I loved swimming as a child and during a day-time rendezvous to an open pool, I was patiently queuing for the water slide behind some teenage males who decided to include me in their ‘fun’. They pointed at me and called me “fat” continuing to insinuate that I would break the slide if I used it. I quit the slide queue and got changed, despite my families dismay.
Age 9 – I hated my time during Primary School, I wasn’t very ‘good’ at anything and I wasn’t as cool as the ‘popular’ girls. I adopted the nickname ‘mini hippo’ which the boys never failed to forget and I began to believe that I was ugly.
Age 12 – I was walking home from school when a group of boys circled me and wouldn’t let me pass. They proceeded to touch my bum and refused to let me go; restraining my arms. I stood up for myself and walked home, fearing walking to school the next day. They lived near me and it felt wrong to tell on them in case they did something worse.
Side note: the above never happened again.
Age 13 – School ‘Socials’ were the pinnacle of having a Secondary School social life – especially if you went to an all girls school like me. I had a crush on a boy and got up the courage to ‘ask him out’, he said no because I was fat. I never went to Socials again.
Age 16 – A white van, crawled behind me as I walked to catch a bus. There had been many reports locally of men in cars/vans praying on vulnerable girls. The man inside followed me 50 yards down the quiet road. I took a picture of his number plate. He drove away.
Age 17 – I was advised to wear a low cut top at work – apparently I would get more sales from men. I didn’t wear the low cut top.
Age 17 – I was told I would never ‘get anyone better’ by my then boyfriend. I haven’t properly dated anyone since, I don’t need a man to affirm my ‘better’, I decided to make my own BETTER. *Beyonce Hair Flick*
Age 19-20 – I have received many a proposition of sex through Instagram DM. Apparently, this is the new chivalry and if you don’t reply or agree to such an offer – you are no different than trash. #Block
Furthermore, in their defence I was showing my skin in my last insta post, I was basically asking for it.
Age 20 – challenging poor behaviour in the work place – especially in regards to women, obviously meant I was ‘obnoxious’ and other derogatory terms. Apparently if males exhibit that behaviour they are ‘leaders’.
Last week – I was told to not set my sights on being the ‘top’ of a profession because it can get peoples “backs up” and it’s not realistic for a woman. It’s safe to say I’m now determined more than ever.
Side Note: I would only wish to be at the top of my profession due to my own hard work, integrity and dedication. NOTHING else.
I have literally only skimmed the surface in regards to behaviour that I have received from men (and this is by no means me painting women as perfect, because they can be savage too). I have written this to highlight why women are so driven to fight and campaign for equality and social freedom.
I still walk down streets with keys between my fingers, I can be hostile to any male that wants to get to know me and will actively lose my temper if guys get into my personal space or are incessant with their “affections” on a night out. These are all defence mechanisms I have adopted to ‘protect’ myself from harm.
It is going to take years to unravel centuries of learnt behaviour in regards to a males behaviour to the modern woman. And the case studies featured in the book angered me, made me feel physically sick and for a brief moment made me question burning the book itself, as I could only begin to imagine the level of fear those women went through and what right did the serial-killers have to exhibit such behaviour? What right does anyone have to make someone feel inferior or afraid?
However, I must say it is an interesting read and I enjoyed the psychology aspect in the book. It’s a compelling read.
Any ego-reducing behaviour is in pursuit of power, raising of the inflictors own ego and that’s the biggest flaw humans can possess.
Be kind out there.