Festive periods are full of friendly faces, family and people who have watched you grow from a small bean on a screen to an individual. It’s lovely to relax, replenish and socialise with positive people in your inner circle and returning to the craziness of my choice of work has made me appreciate and love them with utter devotion. However, it is always hard tackling the numerous questions at social gatherings which are usually trying to dissect life-choices and potential romances.
Single-hood has been my donation to family occasions for the last 3 years, and its baggage that I’m accustomed to carrying around and unpacking in front of an audience (it’s customary to have your appearance subjected to the disbelief of you being single to your family and friends, right?).
Family are 100% biased, but biased doesn’t help you in the brutal field of dating, ‘seeing’ or ‘casualing’.
Over the years the “you’re so pretty, I don’t get how you’re single” or the “what are you doing wrong? It’s not like you’re ugly” from friends and relatives doesn’t initiate the ego boost intended; all it does is make me question every little thing that shapes me as the individual I am.
I mean if I am ‘pretty’ and non-ugly (Side Note: I don’t see myself any prettier than a bin, so I am not bragging here) my personality, interests, and enjoyments out of life must absolutely suck, right?
This has been a nagging, little depreciation, on a loop, going round and round in my brain for the last few years. I had tried new things, developed interests, and created an ‘identity’ for myself which I felt positive about and proud of and of course we all want to find a person to appreciate these things about ourselves and vice versa.
I was a little naïve and forgot that sometimes people who aren’t your family aren’t obliged to be biased or kind.
The day someone who I had thought appreciated all of the things that I thought were positive about myself, branded them as “boring” and described me as a “boring person” initiated a state of grief I had never experienced before. I felt ashamed and completely uncool and a little unworthy. It confirmed the depreciation in my mind and I started to not associate myself with the things I once found interesting.
I listened to music I didn’t like but was socially seen as “cool”, forced myself to wear clothes that were “fashionable” and all over the shops and scour Instagram for comparisons that were the opposites of me but were popular; trying but failing to evolve into something that wasn’t me. (None of these are bad things to enjoy but I was being untrue to myself which makes them bad).
It didn’t last long. 4 days to be exact.
Just because one person, who obviously wasn’t intended to last anything longer than a life lesson, said a wrong thing at a wrong time, doesn’t mean you should find truth in their anguish. One thing it has taught me was to not hold faith in someone to validate my worth, but to do a bit of soul-searching instead *Cliché Alert*. Love yourself. Eat good food, with good people, walk, test yourself, run, jump, shout at the top of your lungs on top of a hill into the wind and most importantly LIVE. You don’t need to have someone to validate your worth. As long as you are happy with your own progress, you don’t need anyone else. And unless you appreciate yourself, how can you expect someone else to appreciate you?
There is no shame in being single. It’s a perfect opportunity to explore to be adventurous, spontaneous, but most importantly yourself.
Have fun out there!