The meaning behind the Magpie…

Four weeks ago I was lying on the floor penning the steps towards my next adventure, when I picked up the phone and arranged a tattoo for the very next day. Tattooists are busy-busy people, and this convenient availability for the very next day gave me a little bit of ‘witchy’ faith, that it was all meant to be. I am one of those people that will make a spontaneous decision regarding my appearance to signify an emotional/physical end converting the negativity into a positive new meaning, which was something I had touched upon in a previous blog post ‘Emotional Haircuts’ *cheeky name drop*.

I am someone who values my self-developed skillset but never holds much faith in it. I am self-critical, passionate, determined but easily discouraged. Looking back, my tattoos were always the prologue before a change which has shaped the path resulting in my present. I wear them like little emblems, but it was time for a new one. I needed something to represent my new mindset and direction but still payed compliments to the past.

A Magpie.

In the world of spiritual meaning a Magpie symbolises creative expression, which is the need to be heard and not misunderstood which is something I’m ready to focus on now. I am committed to my self-expression and I am not ashamed. Amongst other things a Magpie is symbolic for no longer chasing false beliefs, quitting the things that leave you feeling uninspired because the shiny materialism is something you think is the right thing to chase but it really isn’t. I was in a rut, forcing myself to be fine with my current state of person because it meant a comfortable income, and a shiny title on my CV but I felt so grey. A Magpie is a guiding figure towards following what you know to be correct for you. There are many other meanings which really sum up the position I was in prior to the Magpie but these just felt the most important.

There is also a story behind this Magpie, which I usually save; but it now feels so apt to tell.

Many moons ago, under the influence of alcohol I took to the fields which contained the home I was house-sitting, and I sought for the little Magpie which was caged to lure its friends. In the countryside there is a life cycle which I completely respect, however in my drunken state the little Magpie’s reality was to much for me to bare and I released it (in quite a dramatic fashion; arms raised above my head, screaming something along the lines of “Fly Free, Be Free little friend…”) *Damn whiskey*

Disclaimer: Drink sensibly or not at all. *I shouldn’t*

The next morning, as I closed-up the house (call it a coincidence) a little Magpie was perched on the garden gate, chattering away into the sun rise. It didn’t move once until I had got into my car to leave, it flew away free and it is one of those mental images that holds much symbology for me. This new emblem I wear on my arm signifies an element of freedom I am yet to feel, but I am adamant to revel in creative expression with utmost freedom.

Have fun out there!

With love,

Pipedream xx

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100 Years of Suffrage

The last couple of days marked 100 years since Women gained suffrage*Fist Pump* after sacrificing themselves to a cause which still inspires many today.

Suffragettes were a group of women; game changers and forward thinkers, striving to make an impact by starting a conversation. They actively initiated their side of the story within the media by Arson, Property Damage and Domestic Terrorism (not a term I’m fond of in this context *bleugh*) resulting in prison sentences, fatal protests, hunger strikes and ferocious determination.

Campaigning for Women’s rights began during the 19th century, however it really gained momentum in 1903 when the name Suffragette was born. Sacrifice after sacrifice resulted in a circular battle between women and the government, also known as ‘The Cat and Mouse Act’ where the government retaliated instead of listening.
However, it wasn’t until 1914, when the First World War broke out that things really began to change. Altering their tactics, the Suffragettes no longer desired to use force but played with positivity and enforced a new direction of self-advocacy.

Men were at War fighting for their country, whilst women remained at home fighting societal gender roles. Doing what the men once had, women tended the land, built aircraft and proved that they could do a man’s job which contradicted the argument affecting their right to vote.

Self-Advocacy in a positive way, is a powerful lesson anyone can initiate within their lives. If you cannot prove your own worth by challenging something you aren’t receiving but you know you are entitled too and capable of achieving, how do you expect others to appreciate your worth too?

There are many topics yet to be discussed within the world we live in. I think it’s time to start talking.

Have fun out there!
With love,
Pipedream xx

Zen

January is in full steam, but February is nearly here to envelop us in the prospects of spring. I have been back at work for 3 weeks; sleep is sparse, and my life choices are compensating in return. I’m tired of the rain, smudged make-up, a sickly complexion, and the cold imprisoning my bones so they ache. I’m ready for some Zen.

I close my eyes daily and picture adventure, excitement and change. Deep in the pit of my stomach, there is a little glow of the person I was at the end of a restful 3 weeks off and I am going to embark on a few pointers which I think will re-find my Zen.

‘Zen’ is a little phrase I adopted, to explain a state of well-being which bought happiness into my life but first I had to work out what worked in making me feel blissful. Here are a couple pointers which I hope will help you find your ‘Zen’ in this crazy, chaotic world.

1) Spontaneity – Be curious, take a left turn when you should really be going right. Explore the unknown, walk on a whim, say ‘yes’ (within reason e.g. something moral *no crimes pal*) with reckless abandon before your rational mind can ‘adult’ your decisions. Live in the moment.

2) Be free – I mean this in two contexts. The first being ‘the best things in life are free’. Nature is free, get outside, run through the woods, skim stones on the waters’ edge, do something that doesn’t require the assistance of a phone and the second meaning being, ‘free’ as in unbound. Take your shoes off and wriggle your toes in the sand, get disgustingly dirty, let the wind guide your body.
Side Note: I have 0 cares if this is ‘uncool’ and defies the societal view of a lifestyle you should aspire to have e.g. a BMW, with designer threads *yawn*

3) Health – Move your body, let those endorphins flow through your veins, laugh; not just for your mind but your abs (I nearly threw up because I laughed so much once *cool story*). Eat yo’ greens and drink that divine little liquid called water. PUT DOWN THE PROSECCO *I’m reluctant too* and look in that mirror and celebrate yourself. Health isn’t singular to fitness, it lives in your mind too. Let your mind relax and breath.

4) Self-maintenance – Say no to energy vampires (people that require lots of your time and positivity) that leave you feeling zapped. Divide your time evenly between killing it at life and self-love (getting your hair done, treating yourself etc). It doesn’t make you vain, selfish or mean to invest time into yourself. It allows you to prep and represent the best side of yourself to the world… Disclaimer: Everyone still has bad days, even ‘Zen’ enthused humans.

These points are a little raindrop in comparison to the waterfalls of possibility to achieve the imminent Zen. If you have succumbed to resembling the wintery gloom, looming outside your window, go outside and live with reckless abandon.

Have fun out there!

With love,

Pipedream xx

Single-hood

Festive periods are full of friendly faces, family and people who have watched you grow from a small bean on a screen to an individual. It’s lovely to relax, replenish and socialise with positive people in your inner circle and returning to the craziness of my choice of work has made me appreciate and love them with utter devotion. However, it is always hard tackling the numerous questions at social gatherings which are usually trying to dissect life-choices and potential romances.

Single-hood has been my donation to family occasions for the last 3 years, and its baggage that I’m accustomed to carrying around and unpacking in front of an audience (it’s customary to have your appearance subjected to the disbelief of you being single to your family and friends, right?).
Family are 100% biased, but biased doesn’t help you in the brutal field of dating, ‘seeing’ or ‘casualing’.

Over the years the “you’re so pretty, I don’t get how you’re single” or the “what are you doing wrong? It’s not like you’re ugly” from friends and relatives doesn’t initiate the ego boost intended; all it does is make me question every little thing that shapes me as the individual I am.

I mean if I am ‘pretty’ and non-ugly (Side Note: I don’t see myself any prettier than a bin, so I am not bragging here) my personality, interests, and enjoyments out of life must absolutely suck, right?
This has been a nagging, little depreciation, on a loop, going round and round in my brain for the last few years. I had tried new things, developed interests, and created an ‘identity’ for myself which I felt positive about and proud of and of course we all want to find a person to appreciate these things about ourselves and vice versa.

I was a little naïve and forgot that sometimes people who aren’t your family aren’t obliged to be biased or kind.

The day someone who I had thought appreciated all of the things that I thought were positive about myself, branded them as “boring” and described me as a “boring person” initiated a state of grief I had never experienced before. I felt ashamed and completely uncool and a little unworthy. It confirmed the depreciation in my mind and I started to not associate myself with the things I once found interesting.

I listened to music I didn’t like but was socially seen as “cool”, forced myself to wear clothes that were “fashionable” and all over the shops and scour Instagram for comparisons that were the opposites of me but were popular; trying but failing to evolve into something that wasn’t me. (None of these are bad things to enjoy but I was being untrue to myself which makes them bad).

It didn’t last long. 4 days to be exact.

Just because one person, who obviously wasn’t intended to last anything longer than a life lesson, said a wrong thing at a wrong time, doesn’t mean you should find truth in their anguish. One thing it has taught me was to not hold faith in someone to validate my worth, but to do a bit of soul-searching instead *Cliché Alert*. Love yourself. Eat good food, with good people, walk, test yourself, run, jump, shout at the top of your lungs on top of a hill into the wind and most importantly LIVE. You don’t need to have someone to validate your worth. As long as you are happy with your own progress, you don’t need anyone else. And unless you appreciate yourself, how can you expect someone else to appreciate you?

There is no shame in being single. It’s a perfect opportunity to explore to be adventurous, spontaneous, but most importantly yourself.

Have fun out there!

With love,

Pipedream xx

Emotional Haircuts

What. A. Year.

2017; to be an absolute cliché, has been a rollercoaster of trials and tribulations, ups and downs and complete downhill spirals. On the exterior its been a year of growth and new beginnings which are supposedly good for the soul, but with every new beginning there is always an ending, and these endings have taken a toll on me this year… I have the emotional haircuts to prove it.

Emotional haircuts for me, are processes of making changes to your appearance, signalling an end to negative patterns/lifestyle choices and initiating positive, new, emotional directions.

Despite the name, emotional haircuts aren’t limited to hairstyles; they can be a new piercing, tattoo, lipstick colour or even something someone has said that you can’t “pull off” (due to their personal preference). *Bore off* Your body, your decision.

I have always refused to change myself because of a boy, friend, family member or just basically someone who has insinuated or flat-out told me that I should change something about myself. However, I feel that it is completely okay to initiate a change because OF someone/something that has impacted you negatively e.g. a boy, friend, job etc.

My hair has always been a dispensable component of my appearance. I haven’t really regarded my brunette locks with any compassion over these last 12 months, going from long to short, to subjecting it to colour, ombre bleaching, but I have now completed my most drastic change yet. Fully Blonde. *Sudden Gasps*

It wasn’t an easy change, and I was told by many people not to do it because “it wouldn’t suit me” or because it is not “natural”. I was coming out of my comfort zone (which hadn’t served me very well to be completely honest) into the unknown; driving the hair dresser mad with my indecisiveness (I had a gut feeling that she wanted to throw hair dryer at me). But a switch flicked e.g. my defiance, and I had a F*** it moment, which is how I wish to tackle 2018.

I thought I would follow in the steps of all the celebrities (like the little sheep I am) picking their “favourite moments of 2017” but shaking it up and being a little spicy *sarcasm* by showing my “emotional haircuts of 2017” and I have had my fair share…

*Drumroll*

*Insert Vain Selfies*

March 2017

May 2017

September 2017

October 2017

December 2017

Emotional haircuts make me feel confident, refreshed and ready to tackle any Bulls*** that is guaranteed to come my way.

I want to Thank you, whoever and wherever you are for reading my blog! Whether this be your first or the many, I appreciate every read and the constant support!

Happy New Year Treasures! It’s going to be a good one!

Have fun out there!

With love,

Pipedream xx

Dear the charming man in the aisles of a supermarket…

As I drove away I kicked myself. I wish I had said a mere “hello” to an attractive stranger that kept meeting me in the centre of each aisle in Sainsbury’s.

I could be completely reading into nothing, but the smiles grew wider (and a cheeky little blush) as the coincidences occurred the pessimist in me assumed he was smirking at my scraggly, sauna induced hair and make-up bare face, making me blush and retract all eye contact.

I’m heavily dismissive of compliments and opportunities like the above as I am so insecure and unconfident about myself that I assume I’ve got something (e.g. Left over food, smudged make up etc) on my face, if someone is looking at me persistently *as I got in my car I immediately checked for self-sabotage*.

I was hoping the gestures would lead to a conversation but 1) my “fleeitis” (a very not so serious condition where I leave a scenario, quickly when things get “serious”) flared up and 2) why should a man always make the first move?

This is something I have been mulling over for some time now.

In this modern society, women are slowly gaining equality which I completely back. But I feel like some views need to be altered to match the evolving changes.

Why should a man make the first move? I feel like if I the woman I am; find someone attractive, shouldn’t I tell them? However growing up, my mum always said that a man should pursue “you” and to do vice versa makes you look “desperate” and no one likes desperate *sigh*.

It’s quite a traditional view (to put it politely) for a male to solely “court” a female (I’m completely disregarding the swiping notion of tinder) but while we insist on gaining further equality *we have a long way to go, unfortunately*, doesn’t this mean we have to put our money where our mouth is and go up to that tall (small is cool too, I’m just being cliche here), attractive and potentially intelligent male and introduce ourselves in all our womanly glory? Because males have done so throughout history. Let’s do the same.

It also opens up the field of dating to the males that feel insecure and unconfident in themselves to initiate anything (which are completely relatable emotions; and are frequent opportunity killers). These types can be the best, but can be overlooked.

Taking hold of your life and going after what you want allows you to 1) feel empowered *fist pump* and 2) prevents you limiting yourselves to the confident types that “dig” themselves and will probably break your heart *stereotype but relatable*.

All I am saying is, if you experience a situation similar to mine, don’t be the egg on the shelf; say hi. You never know what could happen. It is the season of goodwill and giving… let’s give out good vibes!

Have fun out there!

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Pipedream xx

Deer in headlights…

I’m just over here waiting for my Glo-Up.

This elusive term has been plaguing social media for a while now and for anyone that doesn’t know what it means it’s basically when the ugly duckling, transforms into a swan and tramples all over the “haters” as they feel fab (a touch petty, but who doesn’t like revenge?)

Just to clarify, I don’t want the aesthetic glo-up (I mean it would be nice but I’m okay with hiding in the background at the mo). I want the kind where I actually become a co-ordinated human being and not someone that manages to make a fool of myself at every opportunity.

Yesterday I fell off a treadmill. It’s a pretty simple piece of equipment, even with an emergency stop button. But alas, running for my life, feeling pretty good about how much pain I’m intentionally putting myself through and then BAMN.

A few years back I hurt my knees and ankles in a horse-riding incident (I landed on my feet, ew) and they have been getting worse as time has gone by. But as one of my legs gave way putting me off my stride; resulting in me stumbling, falling and nearly strangling myself on my headphones (all completely graceful *not*) pushing the emergency stop button never occurred to me. Am I feeling alright? I just sometimes wonder, why me? And why do I get myself into these situations?

I’m a full-time pleb, yearning to get my s*** together, but when you have the characteristics of a deer in headlights, it’s no wonder. Am I right? *rolls eyes*

Have fun out there!

Love,

Pipedream xx

A Guide to Backburners

I dodged a bullet.

A few of you have been asking me to write this for a while and I think now is the absolute perfect time.

Backburners.

Dating is a very very tough sport, full of failure and success. It’s competitive and more often than not (for me anyway) brutal.

I have found that there are so many terms regarding dating; for all the factions in which you encounter within it e.g. “ghosting”, “catch and release”, “layby” and I wanted to now add in one of my own.

I mean it’s highly controversial and morally wrong, but as a species, we are forever looking to see if the grass is greener and social media and the abundance of dating apps allow this too happen more frequently than not.

Whenever friends are “seeing” someone I always ask if they have any “backburners”. Now you may be asking, Pipedream, what on earth are backburners? Well dear reader I will tell you.

I cannot deny that in the past I have had back-burners. These are the people that you are talking too but remain simmering away at the back of the hob, whilst the main candidate is on full heat at the front. *Beyoncé hair flick*

The backburners however, can be switched on to a higher heat (bit of cheeky flirting) as the front runners continue or just let you down. *meh*

It can appear fickle but I highly doubt anyone reading this can deny EVER doing it (if you can I’m obviously just a bad person) and I have just created a term for such madness.

I would also like to add that if anyone has someone on the back-burner now, they most indefinitely are the people you should be dating. Because if the person on full heat was really that much of a gem, the others wouldn’t matter.

Have fun out there!

Love,

Pipedream xx

Feeling myself…

I’m just over here, feeling myself, don’t mind me.

I feel gooooooooood today. Recently my blog has been solely an outlet for me to vent about areas in my life that need improving and changing, and as time has rolled on I have been such a negative Nancy within my posts. However, the majority of negativity that I harbour is towards how I look, physically and aesthetically; as I am usually very insecure, needing people’s affirmation to validate whether I am a good enough human.

Today. is. where. this. changes.

I have woken up, the sun is shining and I have a spring in my step. I overlooked my flaws; my chunky arms, weird shaped hips and my obvious over-consumption of bread (stomach rolls), and looked in the mirror and told myself “I am fab, as I am”.

It is a huge waste of time and energy focussing solely on negative aspects of my life and myself.

I am breathing ✔️

I live comfortably ✔️

I am surrounded by the best people ✔️

I have good hair – a strong muddy brown ✔️

My boobs look good ✔️

I feel fab ✔️

I’m not sure why it has taken 20 years to figure out, but it’s not self-righteous or vain or egotistical (which society brands anyone that is happy within themselves) to feel good and own that.

Im probably not the only one, but when I ordered clothes online, as soon as they arrived and I put them on, I expected the garment to transform my body shape into the image of the model that made me buy it in the first place. I usually sent the items back because I didn’t feel good/sexy enough to wear it, or as if I wasn’t allowed to wear it, because I branded myself mediocre or not womanly enough. Comparing is bad.

I’m completely done with comparing myself to others, when it is absolutely impossible to achieve the same or look the same; instead I want to commend them for being different, beautiful, achieving amazing things and doing their best but also allow myself to think the same things too.

Have fun out there,

Love,

Pipedreamxx

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